I FORGIVE ME…
Often we focus on forgiving others while internally hating ourselves for the experiences we’ve had.
Today that changes because…I choose to forgive me.
I forgive myself for my molestation because now I know there was nothing I could’ve done to change it.
I forgive myself for not speaking out soon enough. I’ve always felt like my inability to find speak out sooner is why no one believes me. While that may be true I understand no one can prepare you to speak out. It takes strength, courage, determination, and
preparation for backlash. Truth be told not speaking out (reporting)in the timeframe others feel I should’ve doesn’t make my story false, and the lack of support from others when I finally found the courage to speak out is why I am who I am today. It gives me empathy others lack when a survivor says they aren’t ready to speak out, or they are afraid no one will believe them. I am their strength, and with my experience they can rest in knowing I am here, and I believe them.
I forgive myself for not surrendering to the process sooner. I allowed my trauma to determine my future not realizing trauma is inevitable at some point in life. The trauma I experienced was part of the process, and growth needed to be me; had I surrendered to the process then healing, and recovery from the pain wouldn’t have been so tormenting. When we resist the process we force ourselves to go against who/what God has called us to be when he knows us better than we know ourselves. So if we resist one way of Him showing us God has to then try another; which is why we find ourselves stepping our toes into unhealthy coping mechanisms.
I forgive who I was,
and I thank God for who I am becoming because now I know although I took the harder route it is still the route that needed to be taken.
Today I encourage you to forgive yourself. You are where you are meant to be and the sooner you surrender to the process the sooner you will get to where you need to be whether that be in school, career, business, relationships, healing, or just within.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”
~Lewis B. Smedes
Delashawn N. Bordeaux